20 questions to ask your child that aren’t “How was your day?”

Your child gets off the bus, shuffles to the door, comes in the house, drops the backpack, and heads your way. So, how do you greet your student? “How was your day?” Sigh. 

Don’t worry—we’ve all done it. In fact, it’s basically the default question that, for one reason or another, is preprogrammed into every parent’s mind. And on the surface, it’s really not an unreasonable or unwelcome question to ask…after all, you’re genuinely interested in hearing about your child’s day at school. 

That is, until… 

“Good.” “Fine.” “OK.” [Shrug] 

Much as it seems that parents are destined to ask the same question, kids are apparently programmed with those responses (more like non-answers) immediately upon entering this world. 

The problem, however, isn’t the responses. This is simply how most kids talk and respond to questions. The problem is the question itself, because it leads any potential conversation directly into a bottomless pit. So, rather than repeat this exhausting process like it’s a scene out of Groundhog Day, why not ask a question that’s more thought-provoking? A question that almost has to initiate a conversation. 

Keep in mind—you know your child better than anyone. Maybe s(he) simply isn’t a chatty kid, and any question you ask will be met with grunts designed to let you know the mood isn’t right for a conversation. But odds are, there is a middle ground you can find—a topic you know your child is enthusiastic about—that can spark some talk. 

There also may be times where your child just isn’t ready to talk. In that case, give them time to unwind, grab a snack, watch a few minutes of YouTube, and then ask your question. 

Gauge the situation. Your normally personable child may be in a bad mood. Or maybe she’s just tired. Or he might just not be in a talkative state of mind. Read the room and then decide what to do. There’s no rule that you must ask your question as soon as the kid walks through the door.

But when the time is right, here are 20 questions to ask your child that aren’t “How was your day?”: 

1.  Who did something funny at school today? 
2. What was your favorite part of the day? 
3. What did you do at recess today? 
4. What was the coolest thing you learned about? [Follow that up by looking it up online and learning more.] 
5. Tell me three things you learned today that you didn’t know before. 
6. Who did you hang out with at lunch today? 
7. What made you smile today? 
8. How did you help out a classmate or teacher today? 
9. What was the grossest thing one of your friends brought for lunch? 
10. Which friends are you interested in getting together with outside of school? 
11. Give me three words that would describe your day. 
12. What was your favorite thing you talked about with a friend? 
13. Did you hear any good jokes today? 
14. What’s the hardest thing you learned in school today? 
15. On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate today, and why? 
16. What was the most interesting thing your teacher said in class today? 
17. Did anything frustrate you today? 
18. Who did you talk to on the bus? What did you talk about? 
19. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
20. What’s your favorite part of the school building, and why? 

These questions should help get the conversation going, but there are other important steps to take to ensure a distraction-free talk. 

• Phones down: If phones are in hand, the conversation isn’t going to go anywhere. Make a pact to ditch the phones, tablets, TV, video games, or any other device while you chat.
   
• Really listen and be there: It’s one thing to be present in the room and passively nodding while your child is talking. But kids need more than that; they need you there, truly listening to what they’re saying. Not only does it demonstrate how much you care about them, but by listening intently, you may be able to pick up on a few things—listening between the lines, so to speak. And that is so important as a parent, because it provides you with insight and also may alert you to any early warning signs of issues or problems that might be simmering beneath the surface.
   
• End it with a hug: Or, if you child is not a hugger or is past that stage (don’t worry…they’ll come back!), a fist bump, a “good talk!”, or a high-five work just as well. Just a little sign of affection to end the chat on a high note. 

All it takes is a few minutes each day—and the right questions—to create that daily bond with your child. It’s important for both of you to have these little chats so you can keep up with their day and so they know you’re truly listening. And that will be something you both can look forward to every day.