How to Recognize the Signs of Bullying in the Cyber Age

Once upon a time, bullying was limited to the physical world. Since what seems like forever, we sent our kids to school knowing it was possible for someone to pick on them in the classroom, on the playground, or on the bus, but there was relief in knowing that once they came home, they were safe. But in the digital age, all that has changed with cyberbullying. Now bullying can happen in any number of places, contexts, or locations, and sometimes that place is right in their pocket.

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is defined as willful and repeated harm or harassment inflicted using computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices. It can range from rude comments to lies and threats. Unlike old-fashioned bullying, the repetition can be less personal but just as hurtful when shared widely, or even virally. Regardless of the context, all bullying involves a power imbalance—real or perceived—that’s physical, psychological, and/or social, and it all connects to their school life. It is precisely because cyberbullying may not occur during the school day or on school grounds that it can cause lasting pain.

What are some warning signs that my child is being bullied?

There is often a disconnect between young people’s experience of bullying and what the adults see. Here are some things to look out for:

• Quickly switches screens or closes programs when someone walks by
• Uses the computer or phone until all hours of the night
• Gets unusually upset if they cannot use the computer or phone, or after using the device
• Appears nervous or jumpy when a message appears
• Avoids discussions about what they are doing on the computer or on their phone
• Becomes withdrawn from friends and family
• Fear of going to school
• Sudden drop in grades or interest in schoolwork
• Fewer smiles, lots of frowns, tears
• Loss of appetite
• Disruption in sleeping patterns
• Wanting to stay home
• Frequent bad dreams or trouble sleeping
• Decreased self-esteem
• Feelings of helplessness
• Complaints about headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues

Not all these signs need to be in place before you suspect a problem, and not all these signs are definitive proof of cyberbullying. Often a simple change of behavior or unwillingness to go to school is enough of a clue that it’s time for you to become involved. Your empathy and engagement are most important to show you care.

Your child tells you they are being bullied. What do you do?

You love your child, so your first instinct is to get upset and take away their device, but that’s the last thing you should do. The problem isn’t the technology itself; it’s the misuse of it. Here are some effective tips to help your child:

• Ask your child to explain what happened so that you can empathize with them and help them process the situation.
• Encourage them not to respond to the bullying as it can make things worse.
• Contact your child’s school with detailed information about the incidents.
• Keep records of messages or offending pictures as evidence.
• Identify the bully with the help of your service provider or platform administrators.
• Focus on strengthening your child’s confidence and talents in areas like sports, music, or art.
• Educate your child on the importance of reporting bullying and seeking help.

Remember to listen thoughtfully and act supportively. Your response can set your child on a path toward healing.

About the Author:

Lauren Wyner

Lauren Wyner is the Social Studies Academic Specialist for Catapult Learning. She develops and implements the Archdiocese of New York’s ELA and Social Studies curricula and digital programs. With a Master of Arts in TESOL and Applied Linguistics from Teachers College at Columbia University, Lauren brings over a decade of teaching, curriculum development, and program management experience to her role.