Helping Your Child Handle Peer Pressure and Conflict Resolution

Maybe you’re old enough to remember those PSAs and commercials addressing the always-relevant topic of peer pressure. One that stands out is where a teenager tries to tempt a younger boy into trying out some of his marijuana, with the famous line, “It’ll make you feel good.” While saying no to drugs remains an element of peer pressure today, the issue goes beyond the simplicity of that 1980s public service announcement. In the 21st century, peer pressure looks much different than it did even 20 years ago—and that makes talking about it and overcoming it more challenging than ever.

What Peer Pressure Looks Like Today

In the age of technology, peer pressure takes on a much different—and more complex—form than it did when technology was considered a brick-sized Sony Walkman or a walkie-talkie. Today, with the internet accessible to everyone and social media prevalent on the screens of all kids, parents are faced with a tougher challenge in helping their child deal with peer pressure—partly because they may never know it’s happening.

Peer pressure can come in many subtle forms:

• The cool girl in school posts a demeaning video of a classmate…should you comment on it or “like” it to gain (more) acceptance with the popular kids?
• A group of friends is going ice skating—but you despise ice skating. Do you go just to fit in or because of FOMO (fear of missing out)?
• A friend’s older boyfriend, a known partyer, offers to drive you home. Should you get in the car?

Peer pressure is defined as “a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group in order to be liked or respected by them.” It encompasses literally any decision influenced by someone else. For instance, a teen might consider going ice skating despite not liking it because of fear of being shunned by friends. The teen is making the decision based on what they think the reaction from others will be.

The bottom line is, if a child is not comfortable participating in a certain activity or behavior, it’s completely OK to say no. But is it that simple?

Providing the Tools to Handle Peer Pressure

No, of course it’s not that simple. Saying no does come with consequences, and teaching your child how to deal with those consequences is key. Kids need to develop the ability to stay strong and firm with their values and decisions, even if it’s an unpopular choice among their friends. Here are some skills you can teach your children to handle peer pressure:

1. Choose your words carefully when saying no. Use phrases like, “Nah, I’m cool” or “I’m good” to assert no without jeopardizing friendships.
2. Remember who you are. Teens should stay true to their values and beliefs when faced with peer pressure.
3. Deflect and propose alternatives. For example, “Nah, I need to work on my game for basketball, but let’s hang out after practice.”
4. Model behavior as a parent. Show your child how to say no in real-life situations they can observe and learn from.
5. Blame the parents. Let your child use you as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable or unsafe situations, e.g., “My dad will kill me if he smells it on me.”

Talking to Your Child About Peer Pressure

Part of discussing peer pressure is providing your child with tools to handle it. Beyond that, how do you best navigate a conversation about peer pressure?

• Listen to your child’s concerns without interrupting.
• Empathize with them and share similar experiences you’ve faced.
• Brainstorm solutions together to help them feel supported and empowered.
• Develop a code word or phrase they can use to signal they need help getting out of a situation.

Through understanding what peer pressure looks like today, equipping your child with the social tools to handle those situations, and having meaningful conversations about peer pressure, you can ensure these scenarios are manageable and constructive.

About the Author:

David Engle

David Engle is dedicated to supporting children and families through guidance and expertise on navigating challenging social situations, including peer pressure.